Letter for October 3, 2009 submitted by Ken from Yahoo.

There are a number of ways to find a Domme. Whatever medium you choose the key is patience.  It often takes years to find a proper match.  Obviously one of the ways is online which it seems you are already pursuing.  This is a method of trial and error often frustrating for both people taking good communciation skills and alot of fortitude.

The best advice I can give you is to join local bdsm groups and attend events and munches. If your group is going to a club, go with them.  This way you present yourself in person which in my opinion is the preferred choice for anyone with a serious interest in finding a bdsm mate.

Remember participation is important.  You have to market yourself and to do that it is important to be noticed.  Volunter at events and play parties so that you can meet others.  Contacts and networking are very important.  Get experience by playing with others and at parties, clubs and events this is a safe medium to do that.

Hone your craft.  Both Dominants and submissives need to practice on their respective skills.  Submission is not a gift, it is a choice.  And if you choose to be submissive remember practice makes perfect.

Sometimes visiting a Professional can help.  Remember something, just as not all practicioners in other professions are the same it is the same here.  Pick someone who takes what they do seriously and also one who will make it fun for you while you learn.  Be specific in what areas you feel you need to be instructed.  Worry less about the play and more about learning the fundamentals of serving.

If you have a limited budget then go to events as I suggested.  You will find seminars and classes at these events.  Go less to seminars that deal with the mechanics of using toys.  Concentrate on going to those that deal with safety, submission, ect...

There are a number of Dommes like myself who do phone sessions and will give you advice during those conversations.  Research to find what it is you want in a D/s relationship.  This is half the journey.  You have your work cut out for you. 

The best of luck Ken,

Lady Samantha

Letter submitted September 8, 2009

J.L writes My Lady,

What exactly does" topping from the bottom" mean.

Good question J.L.

Topping from the bottom is a phrase used to describe subs wanting to control a situation, relationship or ply to define their servitude in order to get their needs met or to strictly do what they are interested in doing or having done to them with little regard for their Dominant or the D/s dynamic.

This is usually the kind of behavior that is done by either newbies or wannabee subs and definitely not acceptable in a serious bdsm relationship as it frustrates building a meaningful D/s dynamic. In my opinion this behavior is something only a weak dominant would tolerate or can be used by those that engage in occasional bdsm play as a marital aid or to spice up bedroom play.

Topping from the bottom is not always a bad thing. There are those who strictly want to bottom to someone ourside of the confines of the more traditionaly confines of the Dom/sub relationship and is considered acceptable in casual play at say a play party or public dungeon.

The phase topping from the bottom is also used as a means for abusive or wannabee dominants on the novice submissive to stifle questions or to get their own way instead of taking the time to establish trust and bring the newcomer along with patience to explore or find limits and to expand their experience and range of play.

This topic could easily become an article as there are many different ideas and opinions on this subject. I have given you a brief overview and simply my opinions on this subject. I hope this has helped you.

Best regards for your journey,

Lady Samantha